My Life With and Without You

I met you when I was twenty two;
I fell head over heels.
I thought to myself, it must be love;
And this is how it feels.

We got engaged at Christmas time;
And married in the Spring.
I loved the life we were building together;
I just loved everything.

At first we both went out together;
We'd have some drinks and fun.
But after a few months of this;
I noticed something was wrong.

All of a sudden you began to drink more;
A lot more, it really seemed.
And the more you drank that awful stuff;
You're mood changed, and you were mean!

I remember having my hair pulled so hard;
And how much it hurt my head.
I had all I could do to get away;
And crawled into my bed.

Another time you beat my arm;
It was solid black and blue.
I remember saying to myself:
"What did I ever do?"

You cut me down in front of others;
And when we were alone.
I realized then, we had a house;
But it was definately not a "home."

You told me I could never make it;
Not alone, and without you.
The sad part is I believed all that;
I thought that it was true.

You took away my self esteem;
And beat me when I was down.
And all the time you were doing this;
You were also fooling around.

Then one day, you took me and the boys;
And moved us to another state.
I wanted to stay near my family;
But that was not my fate.

You put us into a house in the mountains;
Away from everyone.
It was just another Hell;
You had your way, and won.

You kept us there like prisoners;
You never took us anywhere.
For two whole months we lived alone;
Just the boys and I were there.

Then one night you sobered up;
And said "There's something you must know."
"I'm not happy with you and the boys:"
"You're going to have to go."

I was totally devestated then;
Becasue I'd believed your stories before.
I was afraid I'd never make it;
If I walked out that door.

But, the boys and I did leave you there;
And came back home to live.
I'd given you fifteen years of my life;
I gave all I had to give.

At first it was very tough for me;
I was hurt and beaten down.
And suddenly I had to learn to survive;
Without having you around.

But, eventually I did recover;
And got back my self esteem.
And now I realize you did me a favor;
Cause I'm finally living my dream.

And so I'd like to thank you;
For being a total jerk.
After pushuing me and the boys away;
I found a marriage that will work.

I really feel sorry for you now;
At times I even feel sad.
You never saw your sons grow up;
You'll never know what you had.

I'm the one with all the memories;
Of watching our sons grow,
All the fun we've had together;
All the fun you'll never know.

I think of all the times in the past;
When you broke me and beat me down.
But now that saying sticks in my mind;
"What goes around, comes around!"

© Betty Hawkins 2001
(All Rights Reserved)